It was our eighth anniversary yesterday, we met at the birthday party of a mutual friend on Saturday the eighth of August 1998. On Monday the tenth Simon moved in with me & on Wednesday we decided to get married. It took us nine months to get around to it (we bought a house first) and nine months after that I was pregnant with Claudia. It has been a crazy, crazy time but I love being married to that man.

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Last week was busy as I was up at the hospital on Monday, Wednesday & Friday. I had another scan (they are 4 weekly now, with two weekly appointments & CTGs) and saw the midwives, obstetrician, high risk obstetrician, haematologist & anaesthetist, I have the paediatrician in a couple of weeks. I’ve had the most wonderful care imaginable, I almost can’t believe it is the NHS which is pretty sad. I only see consultants and, without exception, everyone has been aware of my history and has been sensitive to it (well that’s not true I accidentally saw the SHO one time, the poor woman was completely out of her depth) . I cried on Friday when my obstetrician gave my her mobile number in case of emergencies and told me the whole team knew how much was invested in this pregnancy. The ‘precious baby’ thing may piss people off but we all need to know that absolutely everything has been done to keep this one alive. I’m counting down in injections now, only 67 more to go.

It is a bittersweet time, after months of incapacitating anxiety I feel the cloud lifting. I believe that we’ve done everything we can & have a certain amount of peace in that. At the same time I have got away so easily compared to some, I have friends still mired in the deep shit of infertility & losses. Women who are brave because they have to be, who pick themselves up time after time, who deal with almost unimaginable losses and grief with a grace & dignity that just blows me away. The universe isn’t fair and deserving has nothing to do with getting.

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C has been spending a lot of time with our parents, she loves having Lily around and we’ve been to the park & out for lunch & swimming (much more fun now the weather is cooler). She’s still really motivated to learn to read and is chugging through the ‘B’ Bob Books (sometimes easily but often with huge frustration, she’s impatient like me). We’re reading lots of non fiction (Read & Wonder and Usborne Beginners) and that and Brainpop is stimulating questions & discussions. She’s quite interested in maps all of a sudden and has been drawing maps of imaginary places. Her favourite writing subject has changed from Harry Potter to The Rules (e.g. no shoes, bicycles or roller-skates in her bedroom) and pleas for spiritual guidance (Please will you let me go to church) . She’s telling the time pretty reliably now as well, mainly thanks to all the cooking we’ve been doing. Oh and lots of Hama beading & K’Nex.

Last night she had a Girls’ Night In with my mum, Lily & my nieces, card playing, films, popcorn & makeup as far as I can gather! Today we took them all to Beale Park which was very pleasant (they have lemurs which we adore ).

I’ve booked C & Lily into a cookery class in London at the beginning of September - it looks fantastic, ‘Cake of the World’ and she’s startkng Karate around then too (and another bloody medal test - Jazz this time - in late September).

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The kitchen is tantalisingly close to being finished, complete with big butlers sink (no taps yet alas) and a wall full of huge bookcases (potential to unpack boxes ). We finally have a plasterer who is coming for three days next week (on mates rates luckily) and we should get most, if not all, of the remaining plastering done - then we can get a carpet for our bedroom! And the car passed it’s MOT.

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We’re off camping next week too (must try & get C a wetsuit) and have a few other things arranged with friends through September which will hopefully speed the passage of time somewhat. October the 17th can’t come quickly enough.