Still breathing
Had an exhausting & emotional day.
Went back to see Toby - cried for ages but felt better being with him. He looked okay after PM - got him dressed & wrapped up which was great because I could hold him without worrying about damaging him. More pictures. Gave him his teddies and lots of kisses.
Sorted out his certificates & tags with the mw. Asked about the ERPC - I’m covered in bruises, turns out I did bleed a lot & they gave me ergometrine & well as synto. Checked hb (fine) - feeling very tired & wobbly - mw pointed out I had recently given birth & had GA. Trying to be normal for kids but need to slow down before Si goes back to work next week or I won’t manage.
Talked about funeral - we’ve decided on communal baby grave but a private service just for Toby. Will talk to chaplain next week to arrange the date. Also saw PALS to get notes from the delivery.
After we left the hospital we went to see the cemetery - baby section is lovely but very sad, cried a lot more.
Went to Guildford to pick up kids - Si has taken them both to GB awards evening. I feel like collapsing. This is really hard I’m not at all ready to say goodbye.
I’m holding you all in my heart, and in my thoughts. I can’t say anything else, because none of it helps. Lots of love.
Comment by Joyce — 18 July, 2008 @ 7:59 pm
Likewise, on all those counts. xxx.
Comment by Sarah — 18 July, 2008 @ 11:01 pm
Hope this sounds right - I’m proud of you both xxxx
Comment by Roslyn — 18 July, 2008 @ 11:48 pm