Flying ant day
Got out of the house (by lunch time it would’ve been earlier considering I’m awake at first light but I had another bath plug incident) and went to monopolise Alison. It’s the most I’ve spoken to anyone for weeks & it completely exhausted me (company was lovely though). I didn’t want to go home when we left & Jasper fell asleep within about 30 seconds, so we went for a walk. I bought a trashy novel, a couple of pairs of shorts for Jasper & some bubble mixture. Had a quiet weep in the shop toilets then came home.
Conceiving Toby made me feel completely normal, I am determined to hold onto that.
They want to know whether we want the service in the chapel or at the graveside. I’m anticipating finding it hard to watch a tiny white box being put in the ground.
I am glad we’re doing it - he was real & here - having nothing to show for such an important event in your life is really hard. With Estella I had a placental abruption in the end & was bleeding very heavily by the time we got to A&E. I was whisked straight into theatre for an ERPC/manual removal & then spent hours & hours in recovery because I’d lost so much blood. We had her blessed by the chaplain then cremated, but didn’t see her or have a service. I don’t regret it because it was the best we could do for her, but that & having only two crappy pictures despite all the bloody scans makes it feel slightly imaginary.
thinking of you. wishing i could do something
Comment by HelenHaricot — 22 July, 2008 @ 9:31 pm
You’re doing really well Layla. Glad you went to see Alison.
Love xxxxx
Comment by Roslyn — 23 July, 2008 @ 9:28 am
Just to say Hi, and still thinking about you all.
Comment by Joyce — 24 July, 2008 @ 10:25 pm