I’ve decided that I’m closing the blog, ironically the more we do the less I feel like writing about it. I’m spending far more time doing things than thinking/reading/writing about them & that feels good. I’m saving on-line time for Ravelry As soon as we’ve got a copy I’ll delete it, but here’s one final what are we doing?

HE is great, it’s been a long time since I’ve really thought that but it is & we’ve really happy. We’ve settled into a grove & Claudia is expressing clear preferences about what, when and how she does things. I’m un-nesting & the house is getting more ordered all the time - I spent last week doing all the children’s books & this week the kitchen cupboards. I’m entering the Play Doh years with Jasper He loves his puzzles & pattern blocks, still dances a lot, when he’s happy he lights up with glee & runs over for a big sloppy kiss. He sat on the worktop & helped me cook yesterday. His climbing is more terrifying than even Claudia’s was. He says ‘no’ a lot and has drawn on every flat surface in the house … we love him so much.

We had our following up appointment last week - no answers, as expected, Toby was completely normal, all my results were completely normal. If we do it again we’re doing the full medicated steroid + heparin + aspirin thing, consultant was very supportive. Who knows though … we’re going up to Oxford in a couple of weeks.

We’re between pretty much okay & great - Claudia gets sad, we all do, but that’s okay.

Adios!

it was a good week. Finished up everything we wanted to do on Thursday & did more baking, sewing & film watching on Friday. Simon took the children swimming after work - Jasper enjoys it so much & does a good dolphin impression I’m really enjoying the them, Claudia is a joy to be with atm.

Claudia went up with my parents to Oz’s party, we picked her up this afternoon, she had a good time but is v. tired. We (or rather Simon) did sanding & painting & other exciting (not) house-related tasks. I knitted some boxes (odd I know).

I’m feeling shit, the fact that I’m functioning & having happy moments just makes me feel worse the rest of the time. The whole ttc shit is looming over me & I already feel like I want to scream & rend my hair (we’re not even trying). Spent a couple of hours crying on Thursday night, then again on Friday night, then again tonight - see a pattern? God it’s crap.

I’m glad that the summer is now officially over, September is good.

We’ve been doing stuff - lots of stuff. Simon’s pretty good at plastering and he’s built more cupboards & shelves & put cornice up, we’ve nearly emptied the loft. The house is still pretty chaotic but so much better. I’ve been knitting (a lot*), bought some fabulous needles from Hong Kong & am feeling rather pleased with myself. Claudia’s riding a wave of energy & enthusiasm (mania?!) for all things which is fun. Lessons are slowly starting again - her new swimming teacher is great & there’s only five in the class which is a big improvement over last term. Piano is going really well, she loves it - I enjoy seeing her getting so much pleasure from playing. Jasper is two in all ways.

Monday - did maths (subtraction with borrowing) with no difficulty at all, spelling (short & long vowel sounds & adding -ing rules), English, drawing, verbal & non verbal reasoning, piano practice & some sewing (she’s making a little bag). She’s reading a new Beast Quest book & we’re reading Rats of Nimh together. We went to the park at lunch time and Simon took them swimming in the evening.

Tuesday - maths, English (took a long time but no complaining), spelling, handwriting, Latin, piano, reading. I read a few more chapters of Rats of Nimh and we baked a cake for Violet. We had a mad dash out to buy Claudie a new swimsuit when I discovered she’s lost hers. Went to see Alison & everyone in the afternoon, Si took Claudie to her lesson then we stayed for dinner & cake

Wednesday - maths, English (sentences using collective nouns), non verbal & verbal reasoning (she’s starting the 9-10yo papers now & rarely gets any wrong - far better than me ), piano, spelling, reading. We read about Botticelli & looked at pictures where the canvas is round, talked about how to use space, horizon lines & composition, did some drawing with pastels. Ballet doesn’t start until next week & my mum visited in the afternoon so it was nice not having to rush out.

Thursday - piano lesson very early (I was slightly fragile & Japser had to be woken up & fed orange juice & biscuits in the car for breakfast … poor child ), C’s doing subtraction word problems at the moment. We need to go out later to get Oz a birthday present. Had a lovely cuddle with K’s baby - she’s teeny, was nice, I like babies Felt a bit sad when we got home though. Made up silly sentances in Latin on the way home.

We have an appointment next Tuesday to discuss Toby’s post mortem results, my mum referred me to the Silver Star Unit in the end (have no idea what to do abut the GP - I don’t trust them at all which is worrying) & they phoned to arrange an appointment the following day (very impressive). We’ve been up to the cemetery a few times, Toby’s still the only baby there - which is GOOD obviously but it feels very strange seeing his little marker all on its own. We need to do the wording for his plaque but I can’t do it at the moment, it is too final. I’ve been having lots of weird dreams that I need to dig him up because I’ve forgotten something important.

*I have six projects on the go at the moment (jacket, jumper, bag, two lace projects & a blanket) - far too much