Very little - the children are continuing to consume vast quantities of chocolate (you would not believe the amount they’ve been given) and watch too much TV. I’m really pleased about that.

I’ve been thinking, which pisses me off no end. It has got to the point where I’m pretty uncomfortable about writing anything of significance & I’m bored of sentences starting ‘I am’ ‘I think’ ‘I have’ etc so a blogging break is called for.

Chocolate bunnies all round

Ducks & cuisenaire rods.

When you get to sleep at night you don’t feel like shit.

Jasper’s old ‘routine’ (hahahaha) - bed at 6:30ish, wake for feed at 8pm, 11:30pm, 1am, 3am, 5am, feed constantly between 6am and 7am.

Day 1 - feeding constantly from 11:30pm until 2pm - I decide I’ve had enough- Jasper screams & shouts from 2am until 5:30am.

Day 2 - bed at 6:30pm, feed at 11:30pm, cries from 3-4:30am (mostly shouting with periods of dozing), sleeps until 5:30am.

Day 3 - bed late (8:30pm), feed at 11:30pm, moans for 30 minutes at 3am, cries at 5:30ish for a while & has a feed at 6:15am.

Day 4 - bed at 6:30, feed at 11:30pm, 1:30am (I woke him up going to bed so a little feed), at 6:30am I wake him to feed. I don’t mind the 11:30pm feed at all & if I hadn’t have woken him I’m sure he would have gone though to the morning.

It is amazing how much better I feel already.

Oh & he’s got a new word - goat! He says more at 16 months than Claudia did at 22 - Dada, Mama, dog, cat, duck & now goat. He also has signs for no! and hot!

… my double cream diet

Jasper’s back up on the 91st centile - 27 pounds 12 in old money - he’s gained exactly 3 pounds in 2 months I’m now attempting to night-wean as I’m sure he isn’t wasting away. So far it has been noisy & exhausting.

We’ve had a really nice week & I’ll try and blog properly tomorrow

I’m starting to feel just a little jolly! Have been suffering from jaded commercialism-itis but am better now

I’ve got a picture of Claudia (& now Jasper) under the tree every year; I haven’t had much success this year.

(as you can see by the bright orange B&Q bucket I’m not taking the whole thing very seriously though )

Claudia hasn’t been feeling well & consequenlty none of us slept well so we aren’t doing an awful lot today (no piano or Jelly Legs - on the bright side it saves me £20, but C hates missing stuff).

I’ve ordered a couple of Tots size 3, a Diddy Diaper (which is apparently good for tall babies) & a Toddlerease, hopefully something will fit.

The new Knitty is out, they have some absolutely gorgeous patterns - my must knit soon list is enormous - Dahlia, Jeanie, Entangled for starters. I want a little dog so I can knit it a bolero

Anyone read who’s still got a babe in nappies?

I need new nappies for Jasper, I had C in terries at this point & I can’t face that again, I’m looking for shaped & sized.

He’s already over 25lbs so it must be up to 40lbs (35lbs won’t see him to potty training).
No applix - poppers or nippas only.
Preferably slimmer fitting.
Not really bothered about material - ideally no fleece though.
Not a pocket nappy.

At the moment we’re using Motherease One Size (birth to potty my arse) which will fit for about another week, a bamboozle which is nice but huge & already has bald spots and 3 old nippa’d Tots Rainbow’s.

He very tall & chubby & the only wraps that fit are Nature Babies Multiwrap (size 3) which are fantastic & Wacky Wraps, which aren’t really designed to be worn under clothes so not ideal for winter.

Any ideas?

Just cut Claudia’s hair into a short bob (very Madeleine), she looks gorgeous but is utterly devastated. She’s been crying so much it made me cry

Some people have been writing about it here, here, here, here, here and here. It isn’t something that people talk about although everyone grieves at some point.

When I think about grief I hear the Bear Hunt song (I know I’m odd) … ‘we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we’ve gotta go through it’. There’ve been times when I’ve actually chanted it to myself, when it has really, really hurt & I felt like I couldn’t (didn’t want to) breathe - it became a mantra. Yup, odd.

It sucks, it doesn’t go away, I think mostly it becomes more bearable (ha!) but sometimes, out of the blue, it comes & fells you all over again. I’m so sorry for anyone who’s there right now.